Parenting, Daughtering, Sistering

It is hard to be the oldest daughter of a disabled mother.


The hardest job in the world is being a parent.


Sometimes it is even hard being a sister.


I need prayers for my sanity. I found out this week that my mom's lung function is down to 18%. In 2006 she had 37%. She had been smoking last year too when she was near death in December. She was in ICU for 3 days. I called her lung specialist this week b/c my ex-aunt is near death with only 2 weeks to live with 13% of lung function. It scared me and made me realize that back in May I never asked what mom's percentage was when she had the lung function study repeated. The doctor just told us that it was significantly worse. My grandfather had just passed away so I never asked the percentage. I really think I would have lost it at that point to know. When I talked to her doctor's office this week the nurse told me and then said when mom comes in December that we might talk about putting her on hospice. I proceeded to tell her that mom was smoking again. My sister and I just discovered this. When I asked her why she was smoking she said it was stress, but that is untrue. When my grandfather passed away in April we moved her in with my biological sister since she has someone home a lot of the time and I work full-time. My sister does everything for her. She does her meals, baths, etc. I take mom to the doctor and fix her medicine weekly. She has no stress at my sister's house. The truth is that she is addicted to nicotine. She enjoys smoking. For a daughter, I don't get it. I can't see how she would want to die quicker. We know she isn't going to live a very long life, but we want her to get the most of what time she does have left. When the nurse mentioned hospice she didn't specify or speculate on the amount of time we are looking at. I don't think the doctor will in December or not, but we do know that if she smokes she can't make it long. She took Chantix, the smoking cessation pill about 3 months ago and did fabulous on it. When she was done with the 3 months she told me she didn't need it anymore, that she had no desires to smoke and I believed that she had totally quit. In fact, I am sure she did! Recently she started back. Needless to say I told her what the nurse had said (we have never kept anything from her and won't start now) and that she was going to go back on the Chantix, which she did. I hope it works again. I lost my grandmother 8 months before my grandfather and I can't bear to lose my mother.

Without going into details, I am also dealing with some issues with my daughter and my adopted sister. I am not going to go over it here but the two are mad at each other now. My head is filled with conflict, my heart is breaking. Over family, over parenting, over daughtering!!! I have asked many times over the past several weeks to please pray for me, but I am asking again. I feel so needy these days. I hardly ever even mention my own prayer concerns, but I think I need them again. I need to figure out the best way to have a relationship with all parties involved. I love my daughter. I love my mama. I love my sister.

Wendy

Aunt Wendy

See this beautiful baby girl? She is my niece Leah. My 19-year-old sister had her six months ago. She was born on my birthday, April 20th. She was an unexpected great surprise. See, my sister is not married. I would not have chosen for her to give birth at such a young age, but I love this baby like no other. She isn't technically mine own blood b/c my sister is adopted. But she is still my niece and I am blessed to have her in my life. On Thursday, my sister told me she is expecting AGAIN!!! I am devastated. She is not at all ready for another baby. She has a hard time providing for this one. No job, not married, no house, etc. I don't know what she is going to do. I will help her any way I can b/c she will have another child that will be my niece or nephew. I know that I can't DO this for her and she wasn't trying to get pregnant, but we have to figure out what to do. She really is a good mother to Leah. She just simply has a hard time providing for her. Dad is in the picture, but they are an inter-racial relationship which makes it even harder on them. If you feel so inclined please lift this situation up to God. She is trying to get a job (or so she says). The dad does work, but b/c neither of them graduated high school, it is hard for them to make good money or even get a job in this economy. I don't think she would be willing to give the child up for adoption, but she can't provide for two kids either that will be 13 months apart. Two in diapers, carseats, etc. I am doing some soul-searching as to whether if it came down to it would my husband and I be willing to take a new baby on. Our babies are 18 and 9. We had decided that we didn't want anymore kids 5 years ago when I hurt my back. I got my tubes tied. I know that we would be able to provide for another child and before I would want the child to go into state custody, I think we would take it on. It is a sticky situation. I love being an aunt to Leah and I will keep you posted on what happens, but please lift up my family. I am a little stressed out about all of it.

TGIF

Not the best pictures I have ever taken, but this is a pic of Tori-bug and I at Vogel State Park over the weekend while we were camping. My Tori-bug had to pose by the sunflowers at the CornMaze. I remember one time A LONG TIME ago seeing a picture in the local paper of my great-grandparents growing the largest/tallest sunflower in our county. It was really tall, but I can't remember the height. I am extremely glad that today is Friday. We are scheduled for family portraits on Sunday. My 18-year-old is also getting her senior pics made then too. Should be a fun day. I will see if I can post some of the pics. Have a great weekend. Supposed to be wet and rainy here all weekend! On second thought, maybe our pics we get re-scheduled. I hope not!!!

Wendy

Updates, I guess

I have had my legs striped for not updating in so long!! Sorry Kathleen!! I really didn't know it had been so long since my last update and that very many people cared ;-)

Let's see....... what has been going on?

Tori-bug continues to go to gymnastics each week. Although now that her friend has gotten hurt she is afraid to jump to the high bar. I don't know what is up with that, but at least she doesn't want to quit anymore. All of her other routines are shaping up nicely. She looks really good on floor and on beam. Vault has never been her strong suit, but it looks good too. At least to me it does! Competition starts in January. She needs to get ready. We have lots of meets out of state this year so it should be fun. And expensive.

My friend, Pyper continues to need prayers. If you remember she is a 2-year-old with a relapse of cancer. She got a bone marrow transplant from her big sister a few months ago and it has been going great, but now they are almost positive that she WILL relapse again. Her mom, Mandy and her daddy are scared to death. They don't want to lose her. Please lift her up to God. We serve a MIGHTY KING and He is still on the throne. I believe in miracles and that is my prayer.

We went camping this past weekend in the beautiful North Georgia Mountains. A very nice park, Vogel State Park. We went with our best friends and their kids and had a great time. The kids looked for salamanders, played in the creek, rode bikes, roasted marshmallows, made s'mores, and even read while we were there. We visited a corn maze too. It was a great trip. Now, I have camper fever. I have been wanting to purchase a camper for awhile now and so now I am going to start looking for one. We hope we can make it an annual event.

I will do my best to update again soon. I have lots more pics of the weekend to share.

Thanks for checking in and don't forget to pray for Pyper!

Wendy