Sunday

Today is Sunday. I should have went to church. I woke up crying so I can't go. Sometimes I'm not even sure what sets me off, but today I was watching the news on the earthquake in Japan and the tsunami that might have hit Hawaii, but didn't. Kevin, Tori, and myself went to Hawaii when Tori was a year old and I promised mom that I would take her someday too. I never did so I guess that's what set me to crying this morning. She would have loved to see the most beautiful place on earth. Really, it is. We plan to go back someday soon. I'm having a hard time today. I wanted badly to go to church, but I couldn't even put my make-up b/c of the crying. My sister wants to do some kind of memorial for mom so we decided to go on a family camping trip. We have a camper, Monica kept mom's pop-up camper, and I'm giving my sister our old tent. Mom loved to camp. She would have loved for us to do this as a family.

I'm going to go back to work tomorrow. I NEED to. I need normalcy and a routine to get back to my life. It must go on. I know there will still be days where I cry and miss her more than others, but hopefully they will get fewer and farther between. I need my friends on days like this. They have been my lifeline as well as my husband. They can't even imagine the ways they have helped me. My husband doesn't know how to help, except be here for me. That's all I need and to talk when I want to. He is sooo good to me.

We are still going to Haiti in May. I feel so much better about going since now I won't have to worry about leaving mom behind not feeling well. I think this will be life-changing for me. I might even do something there in remembrance of my mom. Pediatrics are my life and we are going to an orphanage. I'm scared to death, but now I'm really excited. My prayer is that my back will hold up and I won't be in too much pain while I'm there.

It's supposed to be nice in Georgia today so maybe we will plant some flowers. Mom loved tulips. A weird, God-thing happened on the day mom died. I have a huge tulip tree in my front yards. On Tuesday when mom passed the tulip tree bloomed in huge full blooms. I was a sign to me that she is still with me.

Darn, I almost forgot. Tori-but had a gymnastics meet yesterday and she won first place overall!!! She has never won first. She has come in second lots of times, but she finally got the first place status. I decided not to go so that I could finish the stuff for mom before going back to work, but Kevin recorded it for me. What a blessing and a great accomplishment! To say I was a proud mama is an understatement. I'm sure it was my mama looking down smiling on her and giving her good mojo.

This blog helps me to vent and express my feelings. Thanks for sticking with me and listening. I love you all.

Missing my mama especially bad today,

Wendy

Angel Wings

Mom went to her heavenly reward yesterday at 5:45pm. Oh how I am going to miss her! I'm heartbroken. There will be a great reunion in heaven today. Mom gets to see her mama, daddy, brother, and sister. As well as a lot of other family members. I long for the day that I too get to have that family reunion. I can't imagine seeing Jesus face-to-face the first time. Maybe that is what mom was seeing when she opened her eyes wide and took her final breath.

Thanks for all the love and support the past few weeks! We will always be grateful.

Wendy

Best Friends and Heartbreak

I'm so heartbroken. Mom is not well at all. She is still at my house b/c my sister's house was still being unpacked. Sunday mom had an awesome day. She was awake and alert all day. She had said she was ready to go home to Monica's house so my brother and I went over to try to help Monica get her room ready to receive her back home.
Sunday night she started this really bizarre-sounding breathing. It wasn't like an asthma attack, but that's the only way I know to describe it to someone else. My stepfather and I finally got her to calm down after about an hour-and-a-half. She slept great the rest of the night. I got up and ready for work yesterday and when I went in her room to give her morning meds she looked horrible. I couldn't leave her like that so my sister, C.C. called the nurse. Mom's nurse got here around 9:45am and told us that her resting O2 sat was 84. When she stood (with a lot of help) it went down to 70. We were told that she had tops 2 weeks, but probably less than a week would be more like it.
Mom is and has always been my best friend. My husband is too, but there is nobody like my mama. We planned for her to spend the last days of her life at Monica's where she has been for 2 years, but we couldn't move her yesterday. God's plan is always better. Even though that isn't what we had planned for, it is much better for her to be at my house so she can be with ALL of us. She is getting round the clock morphine and anxiety meds.
I know I serve a BIG God. My strength only comes from Him, but I can't imagine my life without my best friend. My heart feels like it is breaking in to. I'm going to try to focus on the good memories with mom. We went camping together back in November and we had a great time. I don't want mom to struggle to breathe. I want her to go to Heaven peacefully. Please pray for that for me. My uncle Mike (mom's only living brother) was really sick in Nov. and was in ICU on a vent for about 10 days. He is going to try to come down from Virginia on Friday. I bet mom will try to hang on until she sees him. He has COPD really bad too.
I love my mama. I thank God every day that he gave her to me as a mother. It won't be the same without her, but I know I will never say goodbye. I'll see her again one day.

Heartbroken,
Wendy

EVERYTHING

WOW!!! A lot has happened since I last logged in and wrote a post. I didn't realize that it had been so long.

We had a great Christmas with family and friends. Tori-bug kept the miracle of believing in Santa. I was almost hoping that she would ask me, but she didn't so we got to surprise her yet again this year. I think it will be a different story next year as she goes into middle school. Her elf, JOY came again this year on Dec. 1st. For some reason though, she didn't get into a lot of mischief. She did toilet paper Tori's bedroom one morning and also wrote on her bathroom mirror with spray snow. Tori is totally in love with that elf and cried on Christmas Eve night b/c she was having to leave.
We camped the last time the week before Thanksgiving with our best friends, The Corbetts. We tried to get our other set of best friends to go with us, but it didn't work out b/c they had football tournaments. We camped at Vogel and it was sleeting and snowing when we were trying to set up camp. It was brutally cold outside too. I think the temps one morning was in the teens. Nonetheless, we had an awesome time. The kids love being together and so do the adults.

My sister's house is nearly ready to move in after the house fire in July. The new house is absolutely gorgeous. I think they are gonna love it. It has been such a tough time for our family in the past year, but now they will get to move back and have all new stuff. This is an answer to prayer and we feel so blessed that God has continued to provide. Hoping they get to move in in a couple of weeks.

Now, we need even bigger prayers. Mom got sick a couple of months ago with a cold. The whole family had it. They had been going through some of the fire damaged boxes and it was really dusty and still smelled of smoke. The other members of the family got better, but with mom's breathing she didn't. She took several rounds of antibiotics, steroids, nebulizer treatments, and such, but couldn't kick it. She finally went to the doctor 2-1/2 weeks ago and he wanted to admit her. She didn't want to do that b/c she said they would put her on the Bipap machine for her breathing so she refused the admission. He gave her a shot of steroids and a shot of antibiotics. She came home with oral meds as well. That night she started having severe shortness of breath and difficulty breathing so my sister and I took her to the ER. They did admit her and her numbers were really bad. Her oxygen sat was in the 80's and she was really struggling to breath. She asked them to sedate her if she needed the Bipap b/c it makes her feel like she is suffocating. We ended up giving three nebulizer treatments back-to-back-to-back and several other IV meds for breathing and she finally settled down. She was in-patient for 3 nights and 4 days. We came home on Sat. on hospice. This wasn't necessarily a hard decision for us to make b/c her lung specialist has been recommending it for a long time, but we didn't feel it was necessary until this admission. Mostly it relieved me of having to be the nurse and daughter. I can just be a daughter now and let someone else do the nursing stuff. Sat. and Sunday mom looked and felt better than she had in 2 years. I was thrilled. Tuesday evening she started having severe stabbing-like pain in the left side of her chest and a horrible deep cough that was taking her breath. We called the on-call hospice nurse and she felt like mom had broken a rib so we started her on morphine. The morphine was only relieving the pain for a short while then it was coming back so we started giving it to her in a pill form twice a day. She was having to take extra liquid in between too. She got really confused and unsteady on her feet so we made the decision to stop it. She was a lot better with the pain and the cough was all but gone too. We put her back on her regular pain meds and this seems to be working for now. She has to take it every 4 hrs. but that is better than seeing her so out of it on the morphine so we would rather do that. She gets short of breath when walking or getting up and down so she gets anxious. Monica and I have been tag-teaming her. To say it has been a stressful, emotional filled 2 weeks is an understatement. I have spent nearly every day and night crying. I know mom probably won't live very long, but I want her to be comfortable and not confused while she is here. We are taking it day by day. So far, we are making it the best we know how. All of us kids have had our moments, but by God's grace we are still trying to make each day the best it can be.

Kevin and I are going on a mission trip to Haiti at the end of May. Our church youth group is going to an orphanage. I am going to do nursing within the orphanage and my hubby is going to do construction type work. I am really excited but nervous at the same time. It is not very safe in Haiti right now and with my bad back and now mom's health, I am a little more than anxious. We have our trip sponsored. We are so grateful for our loving friends and church family that have helped us and are still helping us. Please pray that mom will be healthy enough for me to go. I don't want to leave the country for 9 days with that hanging over my head. I am counting on God to make those provisions for us and I know He will.

Gymnastics is in full swing. Tori-bug is doing great. We have only had 2 meets so far, but we have one next weekend in Panama City and the following weekend in Pigeon Forge. Hopefully she will do great. That girl loves to flip and flop.

Sorry this post is so long, but since it has been forever I had lots to tell you :-)

Thanks for checking in on us,
Wendy

Celebrity Status

In my little small neck of the woods, I am almost a celebrity.

I was asked to be the featured cook of the week in our local newspaper. REALLY!! I WAS!!

LIL 'OL ME??!!??

I honestly almost laughed when they asked me, but I really can cook when I decide to so I decided to participate. I do not have any original recipes but really who does? I used a couple of Ree's from The Pioneer Woman (www.thepioneerwoman.com) and everybody I have seen in town since then raved about The Marlboro Man Sandwich. It tastes so good. I also gave them a recipe from my church's cookbook.

I went to vote last night and the older lady who was volunteering took my driver's license, saw my name and said, "ooooh, I saw you in the newspaper. It's nice to meet you". I was cracking up!!

Besides being the celebrity around here, we have been doing a lot of camping still. We have been two separate weekends. Fall Break we went to Calhoun KOA Campground and had a great time. Last weekend we went to our local state park, Fort Yargo. Both trips my niece and nephew went with us. This weekend we are going to the mountains to another state park and then hopefully the weekend before Thanksgiving we are going yet again to a different park. That will probably be the last of it for the winter. It is finally feeling like November in Georgia just this week. The weekend in the mountains the low will be in the 20's so hopefully we won't freeze our hiney's off. We love to camp so we are game anyways. Hopefully, next time I can post pics of our adventures. You can read all about me in the Barrow Journal newspaper if you want to google it :-)

Tootles,
Wendy

Marriage Retreat

My dear hubby and I spent a weekend away last weekend camping ALONE!!

As in, no kids.

Just us.

It was wonderful. We went up to Victoria Bryant State Park about an hour-and-a-half from our home with our camper and enjoyed a weekend away. We had not been able to do this since getting our new camper back 3 months ago. Lots of trips with Tori-bug and we love going with friends and family, but we soooo needed some time away to renew our relationship.
Victoria Bryant State Park is a beautiful park in North Georgia. Since we don't have a TV in the camper, the weekend was filled with relaxing, hiking a nature trail, reading, cooking out, and listening to the radio. I loved having this time to spend with just Kevin.

This weekend, we were able to attend a Love and Laughter marriage retreat with Dr. Gary Smalley and Ted Cunningham at a local church. Friday night and Sat. morning until lunch we learned how to put the laughter back in our marriage. Boy, oh boy did we laugh and laugh. The seminar was awesome. Kevin and I have been together for 19 years and married for 12 years. Like so many other couples life gets in the way and we are busy raising children that we sometimes forget about each other. We didn't know it at the time, but several other couples from our church attended the same seminar. We sat on the front row with two of the other couples and got "called" out a few times b/c we were laughing and agreeing with what the speakers were saying. One of the couples ended up getting a free book b/c Dr. Smalley was "picking" on them! It was hysterical. We love sitting up front where all the action is. Plus, with my OCD and Kevin's ADD, we have a hard time paying attention sitting in the back. Ha! It was neat getting to spend alone time with my hubby last weekend and learning at the marriage retreat the following weekend. Great week indeed! We bought a few of the books and some of the books on CD and even a study book so hopefully we can keep up the laughter for months and years to come.

The rest of the home front is going good too! Tori-bug is in full-swing of gymnastics practice and 5th. grade. She has a really good teacher this year so we are happy about that. Business is good for Kevin right now since it is still mid-90's in the middle of Sept. in Georgia! Pretty unusual for us in Georgia, although you just never know. A few years ago, it was so cold on Labor Day in GA that we nearly froze. When you own a heating and air company you are thankful for the extreme temps. whether it is too hot or too cold. We will take what we can get. I am still working 32 hrs. a week. I changed my schedule a little to a half day on Wed. and a half day on Thursdays so now I am able to co-lead a middle school girls small group bible study on Wed. nights. I was not able to do this in a long period of time (mostly b/c of my severe back pain) so it makes me feel great that I can get back involved. Since I only work a half a day, I am able to come home and rest before going to church on Wednesdays if I need to.

Well, that's about it for the Whiddon's. Happy Birthday to my daddy on Sept. 20th! I love you daddy!!

Note to hubby:: Let's balance the budget this week! I love you!!

The Lambs Book of Life

Today my Tori-bug's name was written in the Lamb's Book of Life. What a glorious day!! Her daddy and I couldn't wait for this day. The day we have prayed about since the day we found out we were pregnant. If feels so good knowing that she will meet us in Eternity one day.