Parenting, Daughtering, Sistering

It is hard to be the oldest daughter of a disabled mother.


The hardest job in the world is being a parent.


Sometimes it is even hard being a sister.


I need prayers for my sanity. I found out this week that my mom's lung function is down to 18%. In 2006 she had 37%. She had been smoking last year too when she was near death in December. She was in ICU for 3 days. I called her lung specialist this week b/c my ex-aunt is near death with only 2 weeks to live with 13% of lung function. It scared me and made me realize that back in May I never asked what mom's percentage was when she had the lung function study repeated. The doctor just told us that it was significantly worse. My grandfather had just passed away so I never asked the percentage. I really think I would have lost it at that point to know. When I talked to her doctor's office this week the nurse told me and then said when mom comes in December that we might talk about putting her on hospice. I proceeded to tell her that mom was smoking again. My sister and I just discovered this. When I asked her why she was smoking she said it was stress, but that is untrue. When my grandfather passed away in April we moved her in with my biological sister since she has someone home a lot of the time and I work full-time. My sister does everything for her. She does her meals, baths, etc. I take mom to the doctor and fix her medicine weekly. She has no stress at my sister's house. The truth is that she is addicted to nicotine. She enjoys smoking. For a daughter, I don't get it. I can't see how she would want to die quicker. We know she isn't going to live a very long life, but we want her to get the most of what time she does have left. When the nurse mentioned hospice she didn't specify or speculate on the amount of time we are looking at. I don't think the doctor will in December or not, but we do know that if she smokes she can't make it long. She took Chantix, the smoking cessation pill about 3 months ago and did fabulous on it. When she was done with the 3 months she told me she didn't need it anymore, that she had no desires to smoke and I believed that she had totally quit. In fact, I am sure she did! Recently she started back. Needless to say I told her what the nurse had said (we have never kept anything from her and won't start now) and that she was going to go back on the Chantix, which she did. I hope it works again. I lost my grandmother 8 months before my grandfather and I can't bear to lose my mother.

Without going into details, I am also dealing with some issues with my daughter and my adopted sister. I am not going to go over it here but the two are mad at each other now. My head is filled with conflict, my heart is breaking. Over family, over parenting, over daughtering!!! I have asked many times over the past several weeks to please pray for me, but I am asking again. I feel so needy these days. I hardly ever even mention my own prayer concerns, but I think I need them again. I need to figure out the best way to have a relationship with all parties involved. I love my daughter. I love my mama. I love my sister.

Wendy

Aunt Wendy

See this beautiful baby girl? She is my niece Leah. My 19-year-old sister had her six months ago. She was born on my birthday, April 20th. She was an unexpected great surprise. See, my sister is not married. I would not have chosen for her to give birth at such a young age, but I love this baby like no other. She isn't technically mine own blood b/c my sister is adopted. But she is still my niece and I am blessed to have her in my life. On Thursday, my sister told me she is expecting AGAIN!!! I am devastated. She is not at all ready for another baby. She has a hard time providing for this one. No job, not married, no house, etc. I don't know what she is going to do. I will help her any way I can b/c she will have another child that will be my niece or nephew. I know that I can't DO this for her and she wasn't trying to get pregnant, but we have to figure out what to do. She really is a good mother to Leah. She just simply has a hard time providing for her. Dad is in the picture, but they are an inter-racial relationship which makes it even harder on them. If you feel so inclined please lift this situation up to God. She is trying to get a job (or so she says). The dad does work, but b/c neither of them graduated high school, it is hard for them to make good money or even get a job in this economy. I don't think she would be willing to give the child up for adoption, but she can't provide for two kids either that will be 13 months apart. Two in diapers, carseats, etc. I am doing some soul-searching as to whether if it came down to it would my husband and I be willing to take a new baby on. Our babies are 18 and 9. We had decided that we didn't want anymore kids 5 years ago when I hurt my back. I got my tubes tied. I know that we would be able to provide for another child and before I would want the child to go into state custody, I think we would take it on. It is a sticky situation. I love being an aunt to Leah and I will keep you posted on what happens, but please lift up my family. I am a little stressed out about all of it.

TGIF

Not the best pictures I have ever taken, but this is a pic of Tori-bug and I at Vogel State Park over the weekend while we were camping. My Tori-bug had to pose by the sunflowers at the CornMaze. I remember one time A LONG TIME ago seeing a picture in the local paper of my great-grandparents growing the largest/tallest sunflower in our county. It was really tall, but I can't remember the height. I am extremely glad that today is Friday. We are scheduled for family portraits on Sunday. My 18-year-old is also getting her senior pics made then too. Should be a fun day. I will see if I can post some of the pics. Have a great weekend. Supposed to be wet and rainy here all weekend! On second thought, maybe our pics we get re-scheduled. I hope not!!!

Wendy

Updates, I guess

I have had my legs striped for not updating in so long!! Sorry Kathleen!! I really didn't know it had been so long since my last update and that very many people cared ;-)

Let's see....... what has been going on?

Tori-bug continues to go to gymnastics each week. Although now that her friend has gotten hurt she is afraid to jump to the high bar. I don't know what is up with that, but at least she doesn't want to quit anymore. All of her other routines are shaping up nicely. She looks really good on floor and on beam. Vault has never been her strong suit, but it looks good too. At least to me it does! Competition starts in January. She needs to get ready. We have lots of meets out of state this year so it should be fun. And expensive.

My friend, Pyper continues to need prayers. If you remember she is a 2-year-old with a relapse of cancer. She got a bone marrow transplant from her big sister a few months ago and it has been going great, but now they are almost positive that she WILL relapse again. Her mom, Mandy and her daddy are scared to death. They don't want to lose her. Please lift her up to God. We serve a MIGHTY KING and He is still on the throne. I believe in miracles and that is my prayer.

We went camping this past weekend in the beautiful North Georgia Mountains. A very nice park, Vogel State Park. We went with our best friends and their kids and had a great time. The kids looked for salamanders, played in the creek, rode bikes, roasted marshmallows, made s'mores, and even read while we were there. We visited a corn maze too. It was a great trip. Now, I have camper fever. I have been wanting to purchase a camper for awhile now and so now I am going to start looking for one. We hope we can make it an annual event.

I will do my best to update again soon. I have lots more pics of the weekend to share.

Thanks for checking in and don't forget to pray for Pyper!

Wendy

Oh, to be 18 again!!

Would you be 18 again if given the chance? Just one day?

Yesterday was my step-daughter's 18th. birthday. She is a senior in high school and is a beautiful young lady.

Dear Lyndsey,

Wow! Where to start? I have been thinking a lot over the past few weeks about you turning 18! An adult!! How did that happen? When I was reminiscing, I thought back to those first few weeks with you. You were the "baby" that a lot of people took to raising. Because we were all so young when we had you, a lot of close personal friends took care of you like you were theirs. Daddy was 19 when you were born and had just graduated high school when he found out he would be a daddy. Needless to say, it was a shocker. He was only a year older than you are now when you were born. Because of the circumstances, daddy and I didn't start getting you for weekends until you were 9 months old. A lot happened that first year or so, but we all learned together. Even with the shock of daddy finding out that he was going to be a father, you were the best thing that ever happened to him. He still tears up at that country song, "There goes my life". That song is so about him.

Anyway, I think about the sleepless nights (you didn't sleep all night until around age 2). You were just so busy and didn't have time for sleeping. When you did sleep, you woke us up on the weekends by rattling your baby bed and shaking it across the floor. Your smile was and is still infectious. You smiled A LOT. We loved that! You walked very early b/c like I say, you were so busy. You just had to go. When you were a toddler, you loved Barney. Oh yikes! We knew every Barney song ever sang on the show and you would dance and dance every time a song started playing. One time at Easter, you were just barely able to reach the counters and you pulled a whole cup of blue egg dye on top of you. You were stained blue for days and we called you Baby Smurf. It really wasn't funny at the time, but now that I think back it is! I remember you starting kindergarten, middle school, high school, dancing for 10 years, and your first and only beauty pageant. You didn't win, but you lit up the stage that night. You took your frilly little dress and rubbed it all over your face right in the middle of the stage. It was too cute.

I really just wanted to tell you how proud I am of the beautiful young lady you have become. I know I am not your mom, but I love you like the daughter you are to me and always will be. You make daddy and I proud to be your parents. Keep working hard and enjoy your last year of high school.

How blessed I am, you are my daughter and also my friend!! I love you and Happy Birthday, Zee!!

Wendy

Greetings from Heaven

This past weekend we decided at the last minute to take a trip to Ruby Falls and to see Rock City in Chattanooga Tennessee. The family got to enjoy seeing lots of beautiful scenery which we thoroughly enjoyed. Tori-bug was not on her best behavior, but we enjoyed the day nonetheless. I had been to Ruby Falls about 25 years ago (and no, I am not THAT old). It was when I was about 10 years old. When didn't go to Rock City that trip that I remember. The rest of the family had been to neither place so it was a real treat. On the way home, we were talking about how blessed we were as a family and "how can you not believe in God when you see such beautiful sights?" Right about the same time the bottom dropped out on us and it started pouring down rain. It rained really hard for about 10 minutes and then a complete rainbow formed in the sky. It was so cool, like a reminder that God was saying to us that He was there.

Sunday we were so exhausted from all the walking that we took a nap after church. I love Sunday naps. It came up a bad thunderstorm so that made for an even better nap. Life is great!

Now, I want to tell you another story......

I found a bookmark in my grandmother's Bible on Sunday. Two bookmarks actually, just alike. One was written out To: Jean and one was written out To: Winford. My grandparents names and written by my grandmother. My grandmother died in 2004 and I lost my grandfather in April this year. I read almost every day. I thought, "How cool is this?" I am going to use this bookmark for the book that I am reading. I guess my granddaddy was on my brain when I went to bed since I read mostly at bedtime. Let me go back a little and say that my grandparents had this old clock on their wall for my entire life. It is a wind up clock and chimes ever how many times that it is that hour and chimes once for the half hour. Somehow before my grandfather passed away the clock was not chiming the right amount of times for that hour so when my grandfather passed away I asked my mom if I could have the clock. Of course she said I could so I brought it home and placed it propped up against the wall in my living room. My thought was that I would take it to a clock maker and try to get it fixed to chime the right amount of times. I never once heard it chime in the 4 months since my grandfather passed away. It has sat in my living room for the past 4 months. I really thought the clock was now broken completely and now I really wanted to get it fixed so I put in in the back of my SUV about 2 weeks ago. I have not found anybody to fix the clock. I dream of my grandfather a lot. I don't know why I dream of him in particular so often, but I do. I think about him constantly. Anyway, yesterday morning I was driving to work and I heard a "ding, ding, ding". I turned the radio down and listened more closely. I thought it was something on the radio at first, but no, there it was again, "ding, ding, ding". It was the clock CHIMING!!! Good Morning Granddaddy! I have not heard it since. It felt like a reminder that my GOD and my granddaddy are here and still looking out for me. I don't believe in a lot that is "coincidental". I know in my heart it was a reminder to me and I am extremely blessed. It was like a greeting from Heaven. Have a good day. Be sure to look around today and find someway you might be a blessing to someone else.

Wendy

Gymnastics update

I realized a little bit ago after responding to a comment from my sweet friend Sarah that I had not updated last night. Tori-bug got off the school bus saying she had a headache yesterday and she didn't want to go to gymnastics. I told her that I would give her some ibuprofen, but she WAS going to go to practice. Wed. night she didn't get in the bed until 9:45pm by the time we got home from church, finished studying for a science test, and took a bath. Way too late for her!! Big mistake!! So, when she got off the bus saying she didn't want to go to gym practice I thought it was just b/c she was tired. She did her homework then went outside to jump on the trampoline without taking ibuprofen. I called her in when it was time to leave for gymnastics and on the way, she started boohooing. Not just a little whine, but an all out breakdown about how she was quitting gymnastics b/c she didn't want to do it anymore. I couldn't figure out what in the world had happened and why she decided that she was wanting to quit all of a sudden. I calmed her down but told her that she had to go to practice b/c I had already paid for this month and if she indeed did want to quit then we would discuss it later (I don't want her to quit and I really thought is was all coming from her just being overtired). So, when we pulled in the parking lot she said she wanted to quit b/c she was scared of jumping to the high bar!!! OH! Her friend fell off of the high bar on Monday night and broke her shoulder (that is Caroline w/Tori-bug in the pic above). That was it. I told her that we would call her friend later on so she could hear it from her that it was just an accident and something that could happen anywhere. She did stay at gym practice but said they "spotted" her a little more for her jump to the high bar. When my friend Sarah told me all about how her daughter quit dance all of a sudden after dancing for several years I realized that I hadn't went into all this last night on the blog. Sorry Sarah if I confused you with my reply!! Geesh! Anyway, she talked to her friend that has the broke shoulder and all is well now. She is good to go again and told me to order her floor music CD when we got home. I am still sorting out the schedule as far as school and keeping her focused, but maybe all of this week was a result from being overtired. Now, I am sick so perhaps it was from her mom being a little oversensitive too. I hate Summer colds!!