MY GIRl

The whole world should know that my Tori-bug won 4th. place for her age group overall in the whole STATE at her gymnastics meet!!! To say I'm proud of her would be an understatement. She medaled in every event too. Some kids went home with nothing so this is a huge accomplishment. We spent the weekend at Red Top Mtn camping with the family. Even my 19-year-old stepdaughter went. We had not been "together" in over 8 months so this was nice. Since mom passed away my feelings on parent/child (adult) relationships have changed so we needed this family time. Plus, I needed a get-away. The tears still flow freely. My emotions are still very raw. I'm trying to be patient with myself and I know it is normal to still be grieving. I'll post pictures of the 4th. place state win later. Thanks for stopping by!! Wendy

Sunday

Today is Sunday. I should have went to church. I woke up crying so I can't go. Sometimes I'm not even sure what sets me off, but today I was watching the news on the earthquake in Japan and the tsunami that might have hit Hawaii, but didn't. Kevin, Tori, and myself went to Hawaii when Tori was a year old and I promised mom that I would take her someday too. I never did so I guess that's what set me to crying this morning. She would have loved to see the most beautiful place on earth. Really, it is. We plan to go back someday soon. I'm having a hard time today. I wanted badly to go to church, but I couldn't even put my make-up b/c of the crying. My sister wants to do some kind of memorial for mom so we decided to go on a family camping trip. We have a camper, Monica kept mom's pop-up camper, and I'm giving my sister our old tent. Mom loved to camp. She would have loved for us to do this as a family.

I'm going to go back to work tomorrow. I NEED to. I need normalcy and a routine to get back to my life. It must go on. I know there will still be days where I cry and miss her more than others, but hopefully they will get fewer and farther between. I need my friends on days like this. They have been my lifeline as well as my husband. They can't even imagine the ways they have helped me. My husband doesn't know how to help, except be here for me. That's all I need and to talk when I want to. He is sooo good to me.

We are still going to Haiti in May. I feel so much better about going since now I won't have to worry about leaving mom behind not feeling well. I think this will be life-changing for me. I might even do something there in remembrance of my mom. Pediatrics are my life and we are going to an orphanage. I'm scared to death, but now I'm really excited. My prayer is that my back will hold up and I won't be in too much pain while I'm there.

It's supposed to be nice in Georgia today so maybe we will plant some flowers. Mom loved tulips. A weird, God-thing happened on the day mom died. I have a huge tulip tree in my front yards. On Tuesday when mom passed the tulip tree bloomed in huge full blooms. I was a sign to me that she is still with me.

Darn, I almost forgot. Tori-but had a gymnastics meet yesterday and she won first place overall!!! She has never won first. She has come in second lots of times, but she finally got the first place status. I decided not to go so that I could finish the stuff for mom before going back to work, but Kevin recorded it for me. What a blessing and a great accomplishment! To say I was a proud mama is an understatement. I'm sure it was my mama looking down smiling on her and giving her good mojo.

This blog helps me to vent and express my feelings. Thanks for sticking with me and listening. I love you all.

Missing my mama especially bad today,

Wendy

Angel Wings

Mom went to her heavenly reward yesterday at 5:45pm. Oh how I am going to miss her! I'm heartbroken. There will be a great reunion in heaven today. Mom gets to see her mama, daddy, brother, and sister. As well as a lot of other family members. I long for the day that I too get to have that family reunion. I can't imagine seeing Jesus face-to-face the first time. Maybe that is what mom was seeing when she opened her eyes wide and took her final breath.

Thanks for all the love and support the past few weeks! We will always be grateful.

Wendy

Best Friends and Heartbreak

I'm so heartbroken. Mom is not well at all. She is still at my house b/c my sister's house was still being unpacked. Sunday mom had an awesome day. She was awake and alert all day. She had said she was ready to go home to Monica's house so my brother and I went over to try to help Monica get her room ready to receive her back home.
Sunday night she started this really bizarre-sounding breathing. It wasn't like an asthma attack, but that's the only way I know to describe it to someone else. My stepfather and I finally got her to calm down after about an hour-and-a-half. She slept great the rest of the night. I got up and ready for work yesterday and when I went in her room to give her morning meds she looked horrible. I couldn't leave her like that so my sister, C.C. called the nurse. Mom's nurse got here around 9:45am and told us that her resting O2 sat was 84. When she stood (with a lot of help) it went down to 70. We were told that she had tops 2 weeks, but probably less than a week would be more like it.
Mom is and has always been my best friend. My husband is too, but there is nobody like my mama. We planned for her to spend the last days of her life at Monica's where she has been for 2 years, but we couldn't move her yesterday. God's plan is always better. Even though that isn't what we had planned for, it is much better for her to be at my house so she can be with ALL of us. She is getting round the clock morphine and anxiety meds.
I know I serve a BIG God. My strength only comes from Him, but I can't imagine my life without my best friend. My heart feels like it is breaking in to. I'm going to try to focus on the good memories with mom. We went camping together back in November and we had a great time. I don't want mom to struggle to breathe. I want her to go to Heaven peacefully. Please pray for that for me. My uncle Mike (mom's only living brother) was really sick in Nov. and was in ICU on a vent for about 10 days. He is going to try to come down from Virginia on Friday. I bet mom will try to hang on until she sees him. He has COPD really bad too.
I love my mama. I thank God every day that he gave her to me as a mother. It won't be the same without her, but I know I will never say goodbye. I'll see her again one day.

Heartbroken,
Wendy