Sunday

Today is Sunday. I should have went to church. I woke up crying so I can't go. Sometimes I'm not even sure what sets me off, but today I was watching the news on the earthquake in Japan and the tsunami that might have hit Hawaii, but didn't. Kevin, Tori, and myself went to Hawaii when Tori was a year old and I promised mom that I would take her someday too. I never did so I guess that's what set me to crying this morning. She would have loved to see the most beautiful place on earth. Really, it is. We plan to go back someday soon. I'm having a hard time today. I wanted badly to go to church, but I couldn't even put my make-up b/c of the crying. My sister wants to do some kind of memorial for mom so we decided to go on a family camping trip. We have a camper, Monica kept mom's pop-up camper, and I'm giving my sister our old tent. Mom loved to camp. She would have loved for us to do this as a family.

I'm going to go back to work tomorrow. I NEED to. I need normalcy and a routine to get back to my life. It must go on. I know there will still be days where I cry and miss her more than others, but hopefully they will get fewer and farther between. I need my friends on days like this. They have been my lifeline as well as my husband. They can't even imagine the ways they have helped me. My husband doesn't know how to help, except be here for me. That's all I need and to talk when I want to. He is sooo good to me.

We are still going to Haiti in May. I feel so much better about going since now I won't have to worry about leaving mom behind not feeling well. I think this will be life-changing for me. I might even do something there in remembrance of my mom. Pediatrics are my life and we are going to an orphanage. I'm scared to death, but now I'm really excited. My prayer is that my back will hold up and I won't be in too much pain while I'm there.

It's supposed to be nice in Georgia today so maybe we will plant some flowers. Mom loved tulips. A weird, God-thing happened on the day mom died. I have a huge tulip tree in my front yards. On Tuesday when mom passed the tulip tree bloomed in huge full blooms. I was a sign to me that she is still with me.

Darn, I almost forgot. Tori-but had a gymnastics meet yesterday and she won first place overall!!! She has never won first. She has come in second lots of times, but she finally got the first place status. I decided not to go so that I could finish the stuff for mom before going back to work, but Kevin recorded it for me. What a blessing and a great accomplishment! To say I was a proud mama is an understatement. I'm sure it was my mama looking down smiling on her and giving her good mojo.

This blog helps me to vent and express my feelings. Thanks for sticking with me and listening. I love you all.

Missing my mama especially bad today,

Wendy